there is one thing that i shall bear secret. for when it spills, it speaks the death, of not only me, but also my companions.

it is mine to give to whom i will, like my heart. no one else can will it.

I AM REALLY SORRY. i really didn't realise it. oh my godd. i dont know what to do now. i really cannot handle it anymore. fine you blame me for everything. but have you ever thought about it? there was nothing i can do. i have never even trusted if anything would come out of it. it's not like you dont know what i face and how many times i've tumbled and couldn't stand up. it's not like you dont know how much i cry due to the stress i face. i may not be who you want me to be. but i know, i am myself. i'm really sorry that's all i can say. because i never will take that path.

i thought you were the one who understood.



















something else now..








i shall just shut up. maybe just f.o.d. no one will notice even if i disappear off the surface of the earth. i dont need anyone to know either. i've had enough. i just cant take it. LEARN TO LET GO is all that people say. maybe i'll just never learn. what's not mine, WILL NEVER BE MINE.

who knows the tears i lose every night? who knows that i cry myself to sleep every night? who's knows?? who knows....

yay! chalet was fun! though didn't sleep enough. all right. shall take my time to blog about what happened in the 4 days 3 nights spent at east coast costa sands resort!

Day 1--
training in the morning. very very tired. but!! saw ben cross the over-head bridge from 2nd level in school! crystal yumei spotted him first. yays. okay.. well. rushed home, take lunch, grab bag and GO!
well.. went giant first to buy stuff like bread tuna drinks crackers and stuffs. well. it was budget shopping! everything we bought had to be cheap cheap cheap. cos we dont have much money you know. so.. we bought lotsa stuff and took cab to chalet lo. ying they all there le.. so yearh.
we played cards and slacked in the chalet room till abit later then went BIKING!
yay. taught rebecca how to cycle. though forfeited me jing's ying's and yngtyng's biking hour. haha.. but quite farni lo. well after that..i have no idea what happened. then came dinner. yay. walked to macs and back again. got offered for overnight bike rental and blanjah drink. =)
decided to rent the following night lo. then walk back. so went public toilet to bathe lo. actually very scary. but jing was very brave so i htink she influenced me too! haha. the toilet doors couldn't lock and yearh.. very dirty. but nevermind. just a short bath. i think nothing much happened after that except that me jing cryst yumei congrui went to the beach for a while to chui feng.
then after that talk to jiayun and heard his part horror part funny (cos he couldn't remember how the story went) story about the joker thing. well. told them the party world ktv thing heard from lijun also lo.. haha. then scared congrui half to hell. then the guys came out and started reading fortunes with their poker card. well. went up to sleep half-way cos couldn't tahan. haha. cos yumei cryst congrui never sleep. so me and yangyi got a full single bed to ourselves! heh heh heh. nice arh. okay. then goes to the second day---

day 2--
woke up the last and... had to go to school. =( for open house that is. so sian. had to take cab to bedok, change bus to school, take bus back to bedok and take cab to chalet when returning. how sian can that be lo. but nevermind lar. decided to let yumei congrui and crystal stay at chalet cos they didn't sleep the previous night. so.. yearh.. they went back to sleep and some of the guys went up to sleep also lo. then back at school. nothing much happened just that tze shun gave us a box of nice nice cookies! haha. then went back to hall and had a match with Mr. Lim, wenjing and monkey as our opponent. haha. very stupid cos no net then anyhow play. i touched the net so obviously and yet dont need to stop. hehs. very nice arh. okay. then we headed for bedok and went to the hawker centre there to eat! yay.. not bad arh the food.
oh yes. important part. we were wearing our jerseys right, then got numbers behind. 4 of us stood together at the hawker centre deciding what to eat and there was this uncle at the store who took down our numbersto buy 4D!! haha.. so cool right. then every where we went you could hear whispers of "nanyang de,nanyang de" or "volleyball de, volleyball de". but oh wells nevermind. so went back and rotted till around 5, 6 plus. well actually we slept yearh. then after that went to rent over-night bikes! hehs.there were 11 of us lo. tons of bikes. then went all the way up till the 2 jetties.. then back. but quite dark then very muddy. we had mud all over us lo. haha.. then went to hawker centre and bought dinner before going back to chalet. haha.. then took dinner and i think we rested a while before we went riding again! yay. this time we went up to the other end.. then came back.. yay. i need to anounce something. I LEARNT HOW TO BIKE STANDING UP, THANKS TO JING YNGTYNG SHUFENG HUIYING! haha.. so cool lor.
then rode back to chalet and saw that some of the girls and guys came out with the bikes and wanted to go macs.. so we gostaned and went chasing after them!! boy was the ride tiring. and guess what.. when i went back.. my legs hurt like shit. i dont know how to describe it but it was living hell! couldn't even walk properly you know!then at night was even worse. couldn't sleep cos too painful.. so lie downstairs with the rest of them.. and listened to jiayun talk. haha. quite farni though. but after that i buaytahan.. so went up to sleep instead. well rebecca was already sleeping on the bed and zijie eehong and ruiyang if i'm not wrong on the mattress. so slept. but actually half way through the night my legs cramped very very badly. and i actually woke up and cried. cried very very hard cos it was unbearable!but after that it went away. so it was better.. but so sorry to wake jing jiayun yangyi and rebecca up.

day 3--
hmms.. in the morning. i cant remember what happened but we went to return the bikes and walked back lo. haha. then i think we stayed in the chalet to play stuffs cos it was raining.. so got sianded of taitee and cheat and everything else.. so decided to play some new stuffs like congrui's invented games of you-know-what, who's-horny, etc. and yumei's indian poker! haha.. damn farni lo.. laugh and laugh and laugh like shit. but well.. zijie was the 9th person who said i look like a mouse! haha.. but in the end he was like--mouse jiu mouse lor.. haha. fine. so keep playing lo.. i think we went to play beach volley.. actually i'm very confused about the days.. haha.. dont know what happened on each day so continue blogging lar.. okay. then the guys went out to watch soccer. so left junhao. went to play PS! so funny! the fight fight game..burnout.. spy vs spy.. hahha.. and the resident evil.. so farni.. but after that went up to sleep le lo.. wa.. very jia lat.. squeeze like shit. all 9 of us were upstairs sleeping cos jing and rebecca went home.. somemore 3 guys were sleeping too. zijie ruiyang kalun i think. haha. then yangyi and i had to squeeze beside kalun.. haha.. so that less than half my body was on the bed. well. zijie looked horribly squashed. haha. but he sat up once and i thought he couldn't see me but he waved back. haha. erm. then i couldn't sleep.. couldn't stand it so sat up almost the whole night. haha. then in the end went down with crystal to watch kiral and darren play PS. haha.. in the end they watched doom. quite nice just that most of the time i was sub-conscious cos i was tired but couldn't sleep. and so on to day 4...

day 4--
heard a ringing from upstairs and went up to see. thought was yingr's phone but it ended up coming from zijie's pants. lol. it was his alarm and he didn't know.. god. haha. but shouted for him to wake up and off it. well. he wanted to watch sunrise but.. oh mans. couldn't find anyone to go with him lol. okay. then packed and took breakfast and left le lo........

yay.. i llike chalet! well. i'm told to write some comments about everyone.. haha. but i think i'll give it a miss and do it tomorrow when i'm more un-lazy
=) byebye~

want to know how you feel. i guess it's obvious enough.

just finished skipping for 400 times. ah.. got blister on my foot le. skipped barefooted like--outside my house?!

woo.. i've got quite alot to do for the next few days i guess. lets list them out.

Today--
-blastED music just now
-went to skip 400
-gonna bathe and go online again
-nah.. nothing much

Tomorrow--
-match!
-wanna see number 7! (Crystal! why aren't you online for like--the past few days? I WANT THE PHOTO OF NUMBER SEVEN!)
-movie marathon at my house
-rot at my house

Thursday--
-training. =( boo..
-xinyi's flying off =( boo..
-cant send her off at airport =( boo..
-Thursday's a sad day

Friday--
-RESULTS FOR CLASSES OUT.
-oh god.. hope i get into same class as xinyi. heh
-email xinyi her class and maybe her classmates.
-rot at home lor. unless wanna train or go out.

Saturday--
-haven't thought of anything yet. maybe go irritate people. or maybe can get congrui to teach me how to rollerblade. think she'll freak teaching me.

Sunday--
-SHOPPING BIG TIME WITH ELLE. marina square bugis town suntec EVERYWHERE.
-can't wait. hehs. got a shopping list you know!

Monday--
-training? rot? yearh. i'm rotting my days away..

Tuesday--
-YAY. go ling's house to make and bake stuff to eat! woo.. yay.. =)
with junhong of course
-MAYBE got training.

Wednesday--
-haven't thought of it.
-maybe shall START ON MY HOMEWORK. GOD.

Thursday--
-training.. sians.
-CHALET!!!

Friday--
-open house.. =( have to go back from chalet... sad)

i NEED to talk to you. i HAVE to tell you what i heard. i WANT you to know. please.

we won shuqun today! haha.. but... can i not mention the part where they.. sorta......................... walk-over? haha... okay lar. yearh. they didn't come. their school didn't want them to play volleyball and study instead.sads. sighs. haha.
anyways, we got in to the second round! and match starts tomorrow. against jurong. die.

well, hope we win lo. =) just hope, JUST HOPE.

well, watched sky high today! god....... warren peace is SOOOOO CUTE!! haha. well. real name called steven strait. haha. so cute and shuai and cool lar. haha. well. dream ba.

da jia jia you for tomorrow's match! important ah! haha.. must FIGHT TILL THE END!

missed you badly. am i supposed to give up all the wonders of this world to wait for you?

it first started with the rehearsal at 7.30. outside the auditorium. well... nothing much. then came the rehearsal on stage. freak out time! haha. but it went quite well still. and then came the news. WE WON THE YUYING MATCH! GOOD JOB GUYS! WHOOOOO~~ okays. then went home with yilina. i mean.. to my house. bathed,ate,called library, dash out of the house, buy chicken rice for dinner then rush off to school. ANOTHER GOOD NEWS. I GOT INTO IP! hahs. that totally brightened up my whole day. hahas. okay. then started rehearsing on the stage with Mr. Ng's permission. then went to MAKE-UP! greatt lor. i looked like bao qing tian with my sister's foundation. too dark! haha. everyone said i was scary. lol. anyways. then came the performance. oh god. haha. mao liangliang changed my script at the holding area when i was supposed to go on like.. at the next performance?! haha. but everything went well.

on stage. when i walked to the mc stand, i saw elle and kok wee! scare me.. haha. but decided to remain calm and go ahead and speak. then saw samantha right below me! god. haha. but everything went well! and they cheered and cheered like hell! haha..

okay.. i have a thank you list here. haha... read carefully kays.

-wenshi: thanks girl! for being such a fantastic speech rep! sorry for all the troubles caused during rehearsals and make your head big big. haha. okay.. good job yesterday! haha.. call mao liangliang when you miss him kay! haha.. thanks dear!

-mao liangliang: though you wont read this.. i would like to say a BIG BIG BIG THANKS YOU for yourscript for this story.. and supervising our rehearsals.. we may have offended you anywhere during the rehearsals.. so..pardon us please.. haha... THANKS AGAIN!

-elle and kokwee: thanks alot for coming and for the flowers! haha.. appreciated them.. though i cant keep the flowers alive.. shall keep them as dried flowers.. haha. thanks alot alot alot!! thanks elle for helping with my make-up! haha.. and my friends say you very cute and pretty.. haha.. oh.. and kokwee... my friend says your hair very cool.. haha..

-nyvolleyballers:thanks for the bouquet of flowers! love them! haha... thanks for shouting my name too.. haha.. muackks!

-206 group 2: whoo~ nice job guys! sorry sometimes will flare up during rehearsals.. but... we still gave our best performance!! haha.. nice job guys!!!

-yilina: yo~ haha.. thanks alot.. well.. too much to thank.. dont know what to say.. hees.. pardon me kay... thanks for putting up with me when i repeat my lines over and over again...

-gloria: hey! thanks for calming me down and putting up with me memorising the lines.. haha.. and thanks for helping me with the memorising too! haha...

and.. oh yes. the hci volleyballers were there too! haha..

206.. though we weren't as close as last year.. will still miss you guys.. big time.. alright! haha...

you weren't there.

well.. we lost to peicai today...quite sad.. but.. i think we still tried.. tomorrow must jia you okay!!! i wont be there... so.. must get the atmosphere up okay!! scream and shout and scare them till they freak out!! haha.. okay...well today's scoring was: 25-21, 25-17. haiz.... JIA YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well.. at least i feel it.

yays! we won bukit view!! won 2 sets to 1... lost the first set with score 17-25... won the other 2 sets with 26-24 and 25-17.. haha...so happy!! okay... let's not be complacent though... peicai will be more difficult to play against.. so... JIAYOU!

always, always waiting. tired of it though. but i have no other options.