it's been a LONG AND TIRING month. well, things are FINALLY turning for the better.. haha.. well about him.. erm.. hope can thrash everything out and like.. get a proper explanation for everything. we'll leave that to next week.. i shall not let that bother me for the time being.. haha.. erm..how about them.. haha.. i think i'll let go.. maybe i just dont click.. but no matter what, i wish them all the best and stay happy and crappy always! just wanna say sorry if i've done anything wrong and please dont avoid me or something. maybe its the other way round. haha.. but. i've really found someone i can treasure and does that in return. :) thanks yilina, for everything, for anything.. haha.. enjoyed my time with you during cross-country and no i dont find you boring cos i am boring too.. diao.. and lol.. haha.. erm.. dont worry about not being good enough for me cos i'm not as good as you think either. lol.. (i doubt she reads this! oOops.. haha) erm if you do, tag okay! =) well.. about my studies.. working EXTRA hard now. really. my goal and aim--> IP. i'm clear of what i want. and i will work. i dont believe in waiting for miracles anymore.. haha.. ;P okays then.. shall go study math.. friday got test lars... sianx right.. haha..

byes people... ~~

well, i thought i could give you up but.. to think of it, maybe not. i will listen, if you're willing to talk.
and.. thank you sis and elle, thank you both SO MUCH. thanks for all the encouragement and support.. i will work hard and be strong. i wont cry over it anymore. thanks SO MUCH.

When i'm sad, you dont know it
When i'm angry, you dont feel it
When i cry, you dont see it.

okay. i'm sorry about the previous post. but i'm really pissed. okay fine. i guess you all are pissed with me too. go ahead lar. scold me. i need to wake up anyway.

and i have no problem. go think about what YOU'VE done. you're the one with the problem. darn it. pot calling the kettle black.--

i dont understand. i dont understand at all. why must i do all these. why cant i stand up for myself. why cant i accept the fact that everything is screwed. THERE IS NO ONE IN THIS WORLD WHOM I CAN TRUST. not you, not him, not her, not them. when i was about to celebrate that i finally found someone i could trust, everything just has to crumble. EVERYTHING. no one understands. i'm always deemed as over-reacting or unreasonable or impulse, or doing without thinking, when actually i'm the sane one and you aren't. dont expect things YOUR way. because when you work with me, you get nothing of that sort.

do what you like, you're not my property anyway. do whatever you want, kill me if you have to, but do it secretly because i dont want to see you in hell. i dont want to see you suffer like i did. i dont want to see you cry. i'm yours to do whatever you want but i want no harm to ever come to you.

~what am i supposed to believe?death?because all i'm left with is this life of mine.i have nothing else to give.~
i know you hate me.but its the truth.

hai.. dont know what to say.. haha..

erm had art today and quite fun.. played with the wax and stuff and destroyed my batik. wahahas. but who cares. i dont.

erm. training? siao mans. that half an hour must finish "yi lun" thing damn stupid. run and run and fall and fall like shit. and great. my knee is SWOLLEN AGAIN. damn it. hai.. but heng completed, otherwise must run outside hall 5 rounds in 3 mins. siao mans. TOTALLY CRAZY. erm. that was somehow the crap part and nothing else happened i guess.

oh anyways. hai. xinyi's the only nice one who bothers to accompany me to cip. hai. i'm damn pissed lar. told me going so i told jing i'll be in charge then in the end all dont wanna go. ask to accompany me also dont want. but who cares. heng xinyi can go with me. :) hope can gain more cip hours then get A1 for cca! :)

i have decided to be extra hardworking till exams. :) i've started studying and i shall hurry with it and hope can complete EVERYTHING before exams. although i think its impossible, i shall pia all the way. I can do it mans! haha. i shall put everything behind for the time being cos i dont want any distractions. It's the last stretch and i'll make sure i jia you!! so maybe will blog even more seldomly.. haha... okay.. that's all.. have to go study history and maths le. :D

haha. you-know-what, dont you? bitch(es). i wont bother ANYMORE. go, i'll live my life-->MY WAY.

oh my god.. i've never felt SO relieved in my whole entire life. its like throwing away a huge burden and my shoulders feel SO LIGHT NOW.

okay... that's all i wanna settle over here.. but anyway.. i wanna watch bewitched! haha.. but i cant watch the maid. so sad. father say "zui hao bu yao". so if i watch he wont be pleased right? so i shall be a 'guai nu er'... haha.. joking. dont know what happened to me but i became very crap le.. must be jiayun. haha. or congrui. erm.. zhu family? wanna watch bewitched? please lar. accompany me again can.. haha.. cos i wanna see nicole kidman. :) people say the show not bad lar yeah. i'll try to arrange the date then inform you guys again okay? anyway. erm. i wanna go escape and go sentosa too.. then we can go play beach volleyball.. :)

erm.. yesterday cip. i really learnt quite alot. but too bad i cant express them in words. otherwise i would've finished my reflections. haha. but anyway, shall try to write my reflections now. otherwise no time le. :D byebye--

wOoh.. today was soo fun!! haha.. okay..

went to lot 1 in the morning to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. =) with ling,her siblings,junhong and lijun. the show is so nice and magical!! haha. then after that congrui came to meet me. then we went to walk around lot 1. then bought some stuffs and went to meet jiayun and kalun. haha. i think congrui traumatised them in the beginning so they ran away to ntuc. lol. joking. they went to buy some stuffs as they said. then after that went to take mrt cos we met damn early (SORRY! haha.) then we decided to take the long way of the mrt train.and so many things happened on the train! lol... cos it was only 3 or 4++ then we meet yumei and crystal at 5.15 mar.. so wasted time.

okay.. on the mrt train. lol. we started crapping and jiayun traumatised congrui instead cos she was sitting beside him.. lol.. then there was this bug which looked weirdand scary and kalun called it jiayun's brother. LOL. cos of some "bug flu" stuff.. haha. dont know lar. they so crap. then jiayun started suaning congrui like SIAO. haha. then she keep laughing then laugh till cry. lol. then jiayun tried to matchmake congrui and kalun. lol. then in the end nothing worked out lar. jiayun.. matchmaking fail leh.. lol. then there was this girl who wore pants with some diamond-like studs (they're fake!) on the butt pockets. we were laughing about it and congrui and jiayun wanted to pluckoff the diamonds. lol. then we never notice that we were actually looking at her butt in the big picture. lol. then she turned towards kalun and caught him staring at her butt when actually he was looking at the stud!! lol... so so so funny.. and maluating.. lol.. we were laughing like crazy then.. haha..then other stuffs happened and in the end, we reached city hall in one piece. lol.

so went to walk lor. walked city link then ended up at suntec.. so walk here walk there and stoppedand sat at aunty anne's pretzel shop.. haha.. then there was the funny part. to trick yumei. lol. we were supposed to wave and wave when she come but when she sit down with us, we have to act dao and whisper whisper between ourselves and leave her out. lol. it worked!! cos she felt damn shitified.. lol.. then the first to talk to her had to pay each of us like 1 or 2 (it endedup as 4) bucks. haha. then in the end we ended it with no one loosing.. lol.. so then we told yumei the truth.. lol.. okay.. so we went pasta mania for early dinner cos yun had to take his medicine.. yearh.. very filling and so bloated after that. haha. so we walked to esplanade. then saw army tanks and trucks. then walked to esplanade and SO MANY PEOPLE. SO SCARY. then they wanted to leave lor. like i went there in the first place to watch fireworks and jets right.. i cant go all the way there and come back empty-handed! so i pressed them to stay on with me. haha. thanks girls! and sorry to make you guys wait with me cos i was really depressed and i needed something to impress me abit. yearh was damn sad but couldn't spoil the atmosphere so laughed along and in the end enjoying myself so much! haha. anyway. i wanted someone else to watch the fireworks with me. but nevermind. my siblings are nice too! haha.. woah.. i like now got 2 more sisters le.. haha... stupid family.. lol..all because i'm stupid so they all became stupid's sisters and brothers. lol.. then afterward change to pig family cos yun had the zhu di (judy) idea.. lol.. then really caught the fireworks and jets. was very amazed. =) although congrui almost had a wheez and heart-attack. but jia you! the fireworks are really nice! haha.. okay then we wanted to walk home and SQUEEZED like siao.. then came to suntec in the end. haha.. then guessed what. THEY CLOSED CITILINK WHEN WE GOT THERE. so we crapped abit there and finally they opened it again. and we decided to go orchard!! haha.. so funny. then the station SO MANY PEOPLE. couldn't squeeze into mrt train. in the end they all left and left me and kalun behind! lol.. so mean.. then i decided to go home. haha.then kalun decided to go with me. haha.so just when we wanted to board the train home, jiayun called and asked us to stay and accompany him.. lol..so yearh. went back to meet them at dhoby ghaut.. lol. so funny. then they boarded the same train at the same cabin! so qiao!! haha.. then went out at somerset and too little people cos congrui had to smuggle in and couldn't smuggle out then. lol.. then decided to go orchard and sneak out.. lol.. success! haha. then walked wisma atria and cine.. lol.. like 9++ 10++ le lor.. haha.. still went orchard.. then went there and crap crap here and crap crap there... lol.. and yays.. kalun is not so dao today!! lol.. he's quite nice on the whole lar today. got keep talking lor. =) yays.must continue and not be so dao okay. then in the end went home very late.. haha.. but on the bus me and kalun quite dao cos never sit together then never talk lor.. haha..so both of us quite dao. lol.. then got off and the bus driver missed my stop!! SO MEAN. haha.. hen got down the bus lor. cos it's 11.30 or something.. then kalun offered to walk me home lar.. thanks huh bro.. but in the end too late le. wanted him to go home too.. so walked home myself lor..

i just found out something. i have more courage now le!!! haha.. not scared when i came home late although was 7th month. haha. really... i not scared of those things now le.. =) yays. haha.

okay.. so late now.. shall go sleep le.. night everyone.. byebye~

It's alright to tell me what you think about me
I won't try to argue or hold it against you
I know that you're leaving, you must have your reasons
The season is calling your pictures are falling down

The steps that I retraced the sad look on your face
The timing and structure, did you hear, he fucked her
A day late a buck short I'm writing the report
On losing and failing when I move I'm flailing

it's happened once again, I'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands, sees through the master plan
But everybody's gone and I've been here for too long
To face this on my own, well I guess this is growing up
well I guess this is growing up

And maybe I'll see you at a movie, sneak preview
You show up and walk by on the arm of that guy
And I'll smile and you'll wave
We'll pretend it's okay
The charade, it won't last
When he's gone, I won't come back

And it'll happen once again, you'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands, sees through the master plan
But everybody's gone, and you've been there for too long,
To face this on your own, well I guess this is growing up

Well, I guess this is growing up
Well, I guess this is growing up
Well, I guess this is growing up
Well, I guess this is growing up
Well, I guess this is growing up





this song rocks!~ haha.. its dammit from blink 182. okay. i've recently been really crazy over blink.. haha..

oh yes. TLB played for national day celebration today. so sianded lar. they quite cool just that very stiff. jump also hop abit only. hai.. this whole day very screwed. made a fool of ourselves in HCI. diao.. wanted to see him but in the end when to play volleyball.. haha.. we like damn extra can.. then went to eat macs.. SO FATTENING. omg. i shall not eat fries with mcflurry le. haha. shall just lime juice next time! lol... must really get rid of that 3kgs man.. haha... okay... i think that's all..

pick me up now. i need you so bad.

i think i really am a stuck up freak. hmm. dont know why but just feel that way. AND I REALLY CANT STAND PEOPLE WHO TALK BEHIND MY BACK AND THINK I CANT HEAR THEM. WA LAO. YOU SO LOUD. EVERYBODY ALSO CAN HEAR LAR. WHAT'S MORE.. I'M SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. you wanna backstab you do it underneath what.. must announce to the whole world and make me hate you more issit. damn. really arh. dammit.

I think its all just growing up.

... turn the lights off, carry me home...
haha.. blink 182 rocks!! although they disband le.. they still rock~

erm.. oh yearh.. alot of people telling me to look on the bright side of life (especially this someone whom i shouldn't mention!) lol... yearh thanks to all those who bothered to tell me to cheer up. haha. i think i've been really sucky-fied these few weeks. haha. shall try to change for the better.

..pick me up now, i need you so bad...
down down down down...
still into blink 182.. lol..

erm.. i shall work hard this national day holidays.. haha.. and i'm still considering if should go back to nan hua on 8 aug.. shona they all going back leh.. but not sure yet. cos yumei cryst they all wanna go watch movie.. haha.. then tuesday going to watch charlie and the choco fac. with ling!! haha.. and maybe junhong also.. haha.. then at night going to watch fireworks!! :)

...its obvious...
... saw you again, i know you fucked him again...
woah.. listening to blink's songs now lar.. haha..

yays. no training on mon and tues.. :) is that good or bad? hmm.. both lar hor. haha..
i think i should go do more important stuffs now.. haha.. must work hard.. lol.. okay.. byebye~

why is it that you have all the perfect life and that all i can do is sit in the toilet every day and cry my hearts out? why is it that you have all that i dont and that i have no one to talk to?

its not fair. it never was, it never is, it never will be.

can say i almost cried during training just now. i'm so tired, so exhausted, jaded. everything's piling up for me and i cant even find myself, let alone find my way out of this pile.

can only wait for things to happen.

--THE ANTHEM--

It's a new day
But it all feels old,
It's a good life,
That's what I'm told,
But everything,
it all just feels the same...

And my high school
It felt more to me
Like a jail cell,
A penitentiary
My time spent there,
it only made me see

That I don't ever wanna be like you
I don't wanna do the things you do
I'm never gonna hear the words you say
And I don't ever wanna,
I don't ever wanna be

You
Don't wanna be just like you
What I'm sayin' is
This is the anthem
Throw all your hands up

You..
Don't wanna be you
"Go to college, A university, Get a real job"
That's what they said to me
But I could never live the way they want
I'm gonna get by
And just do my time
Out of step while
They all get in line
I'm just a Minor Threat so pay no mind

Do you really wanna be like them?
Do you really wanna be another trend?
Do you wanna be part of that crowd?
Cause I don't ever wanna
I don't ever wanna be

You
Don't wanna be just like you
What I'm sayin' is
This is the anthem
Throw all your hands up

You
Don't wanna be you
Shake it once, that's fine

Shake it twice,
that's okay
Shake it three times,
you're playing with yourself again

You
Don't wanna be just like you
What I'm sayin' is
This is the anthem
Throw all your hands up
Y'all got to feel me,
sing if you're with me

You
Don't wanna be just like you (just like you)
This is the anthem
Throw all your hands up
Y'all got to feel me,
sing if you're with me
Another loser anthem (Whoa-oh)
Another loser anthem (Whoa-oh)
Another loser anthem (Whoa-oh)
Another loser anthem...!

i've never felt like such a failure in my whole entire life before. my goodness. damn. argh. nothing's still going my way. everyone's leading their own wonderful perfect life and i'm struggling to keep my relationships in control. BUT SOMEHOW I JUST CAN'T. ='( what the hell is the problem with me. oh freak. friends, family, almost everyone around me. even my work's going down. what the?

yearh i'm supposed to do my LA comicstrip today, then do the market research for home econs. i havent started though.. but i finished my art and finished studying chinese yesterday. :) so sianded lar. weekends getting worse and worse. shall continue to do my comic strip now. bye.

--had fun? yearh. i bet so. it was on purpose. i didn't wanna spoil the fun.--
--come on. i need a better reason for that.--