at home now.. and its 12.43 pm. got fever. muscle aching like siao from yesterday's training. i think i over-worked myself. jus had fever suddenly. cant think of anything that i did that caused this fever. argh. but got bitten my mosquito yesterday during training. scali is dengue. i dont know if i spelt it correctly. but i dont think it is ba. father said dont need to go see doctor. so how? i also dont know. give ms ng a letter or something lar. very weak now. okays. that's all. no strength le.

yeah right. it was all fake. it wasn't the real me.

think i would just forgive and forget? think twice.

shut. freak. beat. fuck.

waiting.

wo yao pei ni kan mei yi ge ri chu, mei yi ge ri luo, mei yi xian ri guang, mei yi ke liu xing.

i've thought it through. i know what i have to do. i know how things are happening. i will wait.

i want to keep my mouth shut to all the crap in the world and speak only when i need to. until you know. until you understand. until you let me.

i'm not insane. i know what i'm doing. don't worry. i'll do just fine.

hmm.. guess i got the dates wrongly.. ben's coming back tomorrow.. :)
guess that's the only sign of relief with this fucked-up life of mine.

its not my fault you acted this way
its not my fault you left me today
its not my fault you walked out on me
its not my fault, i'm never wrong.

its not your fault i'm in this state
its not your fault i'm left half-dead
its not your fault i feel so wretched
its not your fault, i cant blame you.

okay.. its 1.26am right now. i dont know. just feel betrayed. but nevermind. i'll never show. this post just came to me all of a sudden. and just put it down here. looks weird and off anyway. but really. it tells how i feel right now. just. betrayed.

okay. i guess i shall go blast my head off with greenday songs and get rid of all these evil thoughts in my head. i'm still a loner in the end. -

i'll cut your throat.

2 more days till ben comes back.

feeling: fucked up.
too bad unkymoods dont have this as a mood.

everthing's going wrong alright. i'm sick to the bone and just plain fucked up. fever hasn't subsided and flu's making my nose run around. argh.

and guess what. i just took my medicine in the morning and went back to sleep cause i didn't sleep much yesterday night. only around 3 hours?! and i woke up at 7.30 in the morning cause i thought got project. then in the end when i finished bathing and eating my breakfast and about to leave my house, i smsed my group members to ask where to meet and then VOILA. the date was changed to 22june and i didn't know. i cursed sweared banged my fist on the wall yearh. okay. knuckles hurt but not as bad asthe previous times when i knocked yearh. okay.bad enough. so i took my flu medicine and went back to sleep. medicine makes people drowsy yearh.. so sleep all the way to 1.30... i know i'm pig lar. but cannot blame me. i'm sick you see. i guess i have all the right to sleep till afternoon since its holidays still.

and at 1.20, my freaking FUCKED-UP-IN-THE-BRAIN coach huahua called and ask me where i was. and i was like. OH SHIT. i was supposed to go school volleyball court to set net for huahua's ai tong training. damn. she told me to take a cab and be in school in 15 mins. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. i was still in bed lar. so i told her i was sick too. then i CHIONG all the way and reached school in half an hours' time taking a cab. i had to comb my hair in the cab larh. hai. then I SPENT 8 BUCKS ON THE TAXI FARE. JUST FOR HER. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. so i got there and she start scolding why i forget and blah blah blah. and she said i grew fat. it made me wanna spit the sweet in my mouth onto her freaking smug face. damned. so i proceded to set the net and she helped me. (once in a blue moon one okay.) i didn't call the rest lar. like siao. they live so far. tell them come down just to set net. think i stupid arh. then she nag nag nag lar. say the rest too lazy or something. like not everyone as rich as her can take cab EVERYWHERE one lor. then after that i was setting one side of the net and she setting the other side. then she tie wrongly then the whole net look weird. then she blame me. hai. what's her problem???????? blame me for instructing her wrongly to set the net. damn. and i just said sorry lor. what else can i do with this bitch. then after setting the net then she talk for a while lor. then to my surprise, she paid me back my taxi fare. wahahaha.. but still not enough lor. she wasted my time and i was sick lar. hai. then after that she took out a bottle of chewing gum for me. i took one and then wanted to return to her then she said is buy for me one lor. that's much better yearh... but maybe got poison one also dunno.. haha.. but already ate one so continue eating lor.. haha.. die then die lar.

so came home and yearh here i am. blogging. havent eat lunch and its 3 already.

oh yearh.. yesterday started new song on my guitar and my cousin's bass lor... haha.. greenday's song again!! whoo~ simply love them. erm.. yearh.. played a song called "blood, sex and booze". quite jumpy rhythm lar.. so quite easy just that i cant seem to get the right sound and the guitar tab was totally off. haha. yearh.

alrite.. 3 more days till ben comes back. waiting.

"Pulling Teeth"


I'm all busted up

Broken bones and nasty cuts

Accidents will happen

But this time I can't get up

She comes to check on me

Making sure I'm on my knees

After all she's the one

Who put me in this state


Is she ultra-violent?

Is she disturbed?

I better tell her that I love her

Before she does it all over again

Oh god, she's killing me!!!


For now I'll lie aroundhell,

that's all I can really do

She takes good care of me

Just keep saying my love is true


Is she ultra-violent?

Is she disturbed?

I better tell her that I love her

Before she does it all over again

Oh god, she's killing me!!!


Looking out my window for

Someone that's passing by

No one knows I'm locked in here

All I do is cry


For now I'll lie aroundhell,

that's all I can really do

She takes good care of me

Just keep saying my love is true



hmm... love greenday... haha... a song that's quite old.. from their album--dookie.. ;) very very nice... haha...

hai... feel horrible... sick okay... fever and flu... why am i always sick? ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS???? so freak lor... hai... weak all over... tomorrow still have to go school for art sia... crap... do crap stuff also.. hai... today.. just came back from gloria's house... went jogging in the morning... then after that went back her house for breakfast then do abit of chemistry 10 years series... then went to bathe.. then come home le lor... then got flu.. so took medicine and slept... for 5 hours straight...lol... then woke up and eat abit cause i didn't eat lunch.. then readmy die sui de cai hong.. haha... yay i finished the 2 duan pian xiao shuos.. haha... shall do the book review tomorrow.. :)

erm... feel damn bored now and guess what... after the stay at yumei's house with crystal, we all realised that we actually do nothing online.. and that we got no life... then our lives are so darn crappy... maybe not for me lar... cause i have stuffs to look forward to like ben coming back... but yumei says she got nothing to look forward to... hmm... cheer up yumei... k? and there's always me if you get too bored!! lol... but oh wells... i am bored too.. lol... so i guess.. even if come find me also nothing to do.. lol... yearh.. then crystal... hmm... yearh.. she has stuffs to look forward to too.. haha... chilli.. hot hot hot!!! lol.. i think she'll kill me.. haha.. but yearh... we'll talk about it again if she really does.. lol...

bad mood today... got bf.. haha.. bitch fit.. lol.. joking joking... haha... i went around throwing my tantrums AGAIN... haha... lucky to those who stayed out of my way today... lol... i would've killed. yearh... and have to say sorry to my cousin too... for shutting him off and acting like a total bitch.. sorry lar yearh... must be fever... then shao huai nao dai already... lol... okayys... i tired le... gonna stay online for a while more... then go off and sleep.. haha... k lor... till next time... byebye...
feel so idiotically sick... dunno whats up with me... :(

i miss ben... hmm...

i feel very weird now leh.. hai.. like throwing my tantrum everywhere.. and sorry to those who had to bear with it... okay.. ben's leaving tomorrow... hai.. must be the reason why... but nevermind... i'm going gloria's house to stay from tomorrow till wednesday.. haha... pia SIAs actually... yearh... and hope i'll have fun.. lol.. i think i will.. haha... okay.. dont feel like blogging le... feel abit weird... scared i smash my whole laptop on the floor... so yearh... byebye...

went yumei's house to stay with crystal from monday to wednesday... SO FUN CAN. especially BOBO!~ (i'm referring to yumei's dog.) so cute!! haha... took 4 pictures of it. haha... and guess what.. we watched 5 movies at her house in those 3 days lor... so scary rite.. haha.. watched the pacifier, troy (got 3 damn "man" guys..brad pitt, orlando bloom and eric bana!! woo!~) , cheaper by the dozen (2 of crystal's and yumei's "man"), school of rock (which really is cool especially the drummer.) and haunted mansion (where crystal sleeped half the movie although she never watch before... lol.. )

okayys.. important part people... we were playing volleyball outside yumei's house.. and the ball fell into the huge huge monsoon drain!! @#$%^& stupid longkang leh. then we were so freaked out cos it was going to rain and if it rains.. the longkang will be filled to half full andthe ball would be washed away! okayys.. say it so that we have feelings for the ball le... because the few times we went sentosa, we used that ball... haha... so.. we decided and made this BIG decision that- we will go down the longkang and retrieve the ball... omg right. haha... crystal climbed over the railings and then didn't dare to jump in.. so we decided to go get a ladder so that she can slowly climb in. then me and yumei run back home to get a ladder... then ran back... then crystal decided she didn't dare to go down.. so in the end yumei went down... but crystal.. dont feel bad.. its normal. yumei was jus alot braver than us but doesnt mean we are weak alright. then yumei went down and oh my god!!!! she fell down 3 times!!! and was covered totally in mud. and she still continued walking all the way to retrieve the ball.. it was horrible in the huge long kang but she still made it to the ball and came back... thank goodness you are alright.. god bless.. it started raining when we got home. so heng yearh... or we would have een swept away.. but thanks yumei... :) crystal.. dont feel bad le k?
then yesterday went to watch mr. and mrs. smith!!!!! COOL SHOW PEOPLE... LOVE IT... A MUST WATCH ACTION + ROMANCE FILM!! CATCH IT AT ALL COST!! haha.. maybe i'm saying this cos there's brad pitt.. lol.. but he is SO COOL ALRIGHT. haha... okayys... then met yanliang before the movie lo... i think that's about it... haha.. and the pinky man!! lol... so disgusting... bian tai arh he...eeww... haha... k.. too long le i think... check back soon k? haha...
cheers~

DAMN U IDIOT. WAT U TINK MY NAME IS ABOUT. ARGH... I NOE U WAN PPL TO TAG BUT NOT DESPERATE UNTIL LIKE THAT LAR. EEW... THINKING OF IT MAKES ME WANNA PUKE ALONE. DESPERATE.... UGH.

WoRD: XINGYUN
MEANING: (NOUN) GAY
USAGE: STOP BEING SO XINGYUN....

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU...
*WAVES HAND*
TRUST ME.. CRYSTAL, REBECCA AND ALL MY VOLLEYBALLERS ARE LAUGHING THEIR HEADS OFF.

i miss you so much my dear... i dunno wats going on over at your side... i noe there's no way u can contact me or anything like that... but if u ever read this... i jus wanna say... i'll always wait for you here... always, always, always waiting for you... love you always... muacks.

saddest birthday in my life... hai... waited... waited... cried... left.

damn.