heyy..

120707
during training... coach talked to tingshan and me..
gosh.. i cried! but good thing she didn't see
she was telling tingshan how she should "guan3" her teammates
then said that the sec 4 team very difficult to "guan3"
say that i had a very difficult job.
then i started crying and told her that...
yes of course i tried "guan"-ing.. but it came with negative effects.
they started to question... started to find me unreasonable.
of course unreasonable in their sense.
from what i see...
i was just trying to do the right thing.
why make life so difficult for me?
you knew it was the right thing to do, and that i'm captain.
i have the responsibility to do the right thing!
AND to make all else do it too.
and then you start to question.
yearh "why i like that ah?"
sounds familiar?
i didnt know why i'm suddenly so bothered about this.

BUT NOW I DO.
i saw me in Tingshan.
saw the captain in her.
saw myself in her.
i know i may have put my ideas across bluntly.
forgive me. i cant speak well and you know that.
but cant you just understand what i'm trying to do for the team?
no.
that's why i had to change.
changed to someone who didn't CARE either.
guess what's the outcome???
just look at our juniors.

to all my juniors out there..
sorry if i offended you. i really cant express myself and tend to hurt others.
but i have absolutely nothing against all of you...

i dont know..
i've been a failure as a captain.
(xinyi i am.. i've done lots of things wrong. sorry if i get you upset about this)
but all i want to say now is.
i'm sorry guys.
sorry i couldn't be the captain you guys wanted,
sorry i'm not the perfect setter you guys can find.





okayy
dont know what i've been saying up there..
maybe it doesn't sound right at all.
but i'm darn confused right now.

xinyi wrote me a letter today... (thanks so much.. really gave me support)
when i first read it my eyes actually welled.
but i held it in.
i'm gonna have to train myself to do this man.
had enough of crying.
and no i wont cut. rest assured.
it's a promise, a vow.
thanks again xinyi...

130707
was counting down to end of school today...
friday the thirteenth. gosh really bad luck.
first thing in the morning i saw a HUGE black cat.
TWICE THE SIZE OF JELLY
then okayy.. first i poked myself with my compasses.
like gosh! the thing like..stick inside my little finger.
usually i wont complain much, i wont feel much...
cos am quite accustomed to hand injuries from volleyball.
but was moaning like crazy.
really painful. WHYY???
then after that was chem lab.
when i spilled sulphuric acid over the wound it was like...
OUCH. OUCH. TRIPLE OUCH.
then was lunch.. volleyball..
forgot i wasn't in my training gear...
skid on the floor... friction burn. =(
freakin' painful when i was bathing.
after that went to queue for yoghurt ice cream.
half an hour! enough is enough!
people are cutting all the way and we were stagnant for very long. hmms.
then was late for dental.
okayy dentist tightened my braces ALOT.
it's very painful now.. cant bite... so ate porridge for dinner.
nevermind. I'M GETTING STRAIGHTER TEETH.
HURRAH
then met ben after his training..
wanted to go to our "lao3 di4 fang1" but in the end got funeral there..
another one time of bad luck.
so came over to my house..
nothing to do.. stone in front of the TV.
then he went home.
hahahahaha.. yay now i know how SHE looks like.
quite pretty! like seriously!
no wonder he liked her.
feel quite zi bei though.. =P

now.. i've decided to write a letter to ben, xinyi and zijia. =)
okayy! shall go do so now..
then will have to sleep.
PT training tomorrow!
please pray hard for me so that i wont die. =)
thanks a alot.

so toodles people!
with love...

看上去, 我真的比不上她. 但谢谢你的爱和关怀.
我始终无法忘记, 我和你的美好时光, 希望你能早日回到我身旁.